i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Houston, we have a blender
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
