It's Friday. Sex?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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