Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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