Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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