Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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