i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
