I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
