there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
