Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
