The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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