possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
