I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My vagina is officially offended.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
