So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My liver just had a heart attack.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
