Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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