if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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