i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she told me i tasted like america
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
