4 words: hood of his car
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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