Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
