He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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