I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
