He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
