yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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