This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This baby is an asshole
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
