I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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