Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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