I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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