I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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