i think i have two assholes
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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