I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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