I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
