she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
