I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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