she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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