please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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