Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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