Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
