yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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