I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
