i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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