Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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