New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
