the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
