Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Found your dick twin last night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
