There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I need a burrito and a hug.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
