I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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