Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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