Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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