Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
