too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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