I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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