the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
