I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
