I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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