First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
