They should really pass out barf bags in church
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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