Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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