So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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