Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This house was built for laser tag.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
