meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!