I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.