I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
