I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.