I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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