I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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