wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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