whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
