I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
